Friends and Lovers Past

Have you ever been on the receiving end of harsh criticism from an old friend and you are so blown away because you never knew they felt that way?

If it happens that you've had a falling out, maybe they weren't your real friends to begin with?

It's painful to be judged by people who you thought were your friends.  If they walked in your shoes, they may feel differently.

Have you ever been in a long term relationship and during the eventual breakup your other half tells you that "he never really loved you in the first place"?

Have you ever been used as a tool by someone you loved and trusted?  They took what they wanted from you, then cast you aside?

Have you ever lived with someone for 10 years, then they tell you "we can get married when you lose weight"?

I'd have to answer yes to all these questions.

It makes you feel unloved and worthless.  It can cripple you for a time.   How long you allow it to cripple you, is your call.  I picked myself up after I got over the initial trauma.  The healing took a long time.  All the while I was healing I tried to act and feel normal.  Perhaps it's human nature to surround yourself with familiar things and routines?  I just wanted to feel good about life again.

I received my latest dose of PTSD when my last husband passed away in 2011 from alcoholism.  We had only been married 9 years give or take.  The first three years were really good.  The final 6 years were pretty much hell.  Being his caregiver, I learned what "hell on earth" means real fast.  If it weren't for my family and a couple of friends, I wouldn't have made it.  The sanitarium would be my new home.

Fortunately I did recover and now things are good in my life for the first time in a long time.

I'm thankful that I still have family and friends.  Feeling stronger and wiser, if not a bit cynical about life.  But then I've always thought "expect the worst and be pleasantly surprised"!


-SJ Holmwood